New blog!

I've had this blog since 2009 and I am sort of ashamed to say it only has 33 posts.

New blog: Bunny Girl...name likely to change. It's less based on the happenings of my barn since I find that boring. More based on website advice and other helpful information.

So follow it.

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It still hurts.

I guess that even after 5 years you still don't get over the pain of losing a litter. Even though they are only a few hours old, it's still so devastating when they don't make it. I can handle the ones that fade, or are still born...but when I lose an entire litter it really ruins my day. I just can't help but think about their poor helpless little lives that were unnecessarily lost.

I had my first litter of BEWs born today. I waited so long for this breeding. And much to my excitement, the mom gave me a BEW and a perfectly marked Vienna. I was thrilled. I came home about 8 hours later to find them being devoured by ants. The fourth time this has happened in the past 2 months. I feel like I should have prevented it but I honestly thought the episode was over after we power-washed the barn; even more so since I've had two litters since the first round of ants that survived fine. I honestly don't know what is attracting them.

It still hurts to lose a litter...and I think it always will so long as I have a passion for these animals.

RIP little ones <3

Baby Girl,

January 12, 2011

My heart is racing as I write this. It's the first time I've let myself think or talk about you since that day. The day you left me.August 31, 2010. I've gone five months without you and I only got to spend 10 months with you. It feels like a lifetime. Your memories are fading.It's like you were never here. No one talks bout you. No one knows. I don't want them to. I don't want to keep hearing the apologies. Because they did nothing, I did. I can't believe I did this to you. I hope you know how much I love you. I think i still know how much I loved you when you were here. It was unconditionally. I felt like non one knew how much you mean to me. Like they couldn't begin to imagine our bond. Like you were genuine. You were. There was never a rabbit like you. You went through everything with me. You laid in my lap late at night under the covers and let me rub your head until I almost fell asleep. You'd nudge me when I stopped. you knew how to ask for food and water and how to get me to let you out. You knew how to connect to me. I'm looking at where your cage used to be. The reason why I wouldn't go in my room for a week. I'm in so much pain. I miss you so much. I want you here. I've never felt so strong about something before. This is the reason I wouldn't let myself think about you. I didn't want to be in that black hole again. The place where I felt so alone. No one knew how I felt. No one could begin to imagine.

They said they did. I felt like I didn't eat for a week. I felt like if I did it would be selfish. Selfish like how instead of being at home that final day I was out shopping. I didn't bother to stay with you. I only remember saying to you "are you okay, baby girl? It'll be okay." I remember rubbing your velvet ears. Reminding myself to remember how they felt because it might be the last time I would feel them. And it was. I wonder how long you had been gone till I found you. I knew when I got up from the sofa that going to my room could forever change my life. And it did. I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to get up off my knees. No matter how much they hurt. I didn't want to believe it. And every time I would tell myself "She's gone", I would begin balling again saying "no, no, no" over and over for what seemed like five minutes but what was really almost two hours. Two more hours away from you. I wanted time to freeze. I didn't want to except anything. I didn't want to think that 2 weeks from now I'd be done crying. I wanted to cry forever. I wanted to feel as much pain as you did. I wanted to punish myself. I didn't want to even be happy again without you. Because it would be selfish. I didn't want people to act like nothing had happened just so I wouldn't be reminded of you. It was the silence that killed me the most. It was being allowed to hear my thoughts and see your face that made me so angry. And now that I'm finally allowing myself to talk about you, I feel so selfish that I didn't all those months. Like I deprived myself of rejoicing in your memories.

I wanted so badly to tell everyone that knew you. You were so famous. So many people wanted you. They adored you. They know how special you are to me. Only some people have asked about you. I'm glad. But now I want people to know. I want to be able to talk about you. I want to let go of what happened and just be glad it did. Because I am. I don't want to forget why I loved you so much. If I do, I'll feel even more guilty. I don't want to feel guilty. I want to be happy.And most of all, I want people to know how amazing you were. I want you to live on in not only my heart, but the hearts of others. Because you touched so many of them. I will always be able to look back and tell anyone about you. And five years from now, I want to feel this same passion as I do now. I forget already too much about Mishodoe and I won't let that happen to you. My heart is beating normally now and my eyes are dry. I don't feel that ripping pain in my chest either. I know I will again and it will be okay. And even though I don't want to stop writing to you, I know I should because I've accomplished what I came here to do. And that was to allow myself to remember how much I will always love you. And so Mishodoe's name never dies, I give you her name as a part of yours.

I love you Macee Mae Leah Mishodoe.

Forever.

Hiccups

I grabbed all my babies today and sat them atop my belly as I lay basking in the sun. It's not that it's really warm enough to get a tan, or try to, but it's nice to feel the sun beaming down on your skin, occasionally interrupted by a sudden breeze.

It was nice.

The wind chime sounded like it was trying to play a song. Each chime singing it's own note, letting it ring out as long as possible. And as if the wind reached down to turn up the volume, a new chime would sing out louder and longer. Together, they took turns at the melody, letting the wind decide who would sing next.

The birds acted as if they liked the song, so they sang along. Each with their own interpretation of the tune. A twee! twee! here and there added to the amateur orchestra.

And then a new sound joined in. I could feel it on my stomach. *Hiccup!* One of the babies started hiccuping, as if keeping rhythm for the song. *Hiccup! Hiccup!* It increased, quickening with each bar. In almost a domino effect, the next one started going and the next. Three little bunnies, blissfully dreaming about whatever their little minds are capable of, hiccuping. One after the other. As the three slid down and into the sides of my jacket, I could feel the alternating beats. Left, right, left, right. Still keeping time.

Keeping time to the rhythm of the wind and the birds. The sun as the spotlight for the magnificent symphony.

That's okay...

....I didn't want babies anyways...

*Sigh* Brooklyn kindled 7 babies the day after due...all on the wire. I was really devasted and it effected me more than I thought it would. I guess on the bright side, she's now semi-proven and is bred again. At least I know I'll have a full nestbox next time she kindles!!

So she got bred back to Bristol and Carlie got bred to Jukebox who I haven't used since last summer. I also bred two Netherland Dwarf does. Praying that I get some babies here soon because I might just die of withdraw.

NCRBA Convention is next weekend and I'm super, duper excited. I have a large show string and hopefully I will do well. It's one of my favorite shows because it's so big and I love the people down there.

That's all for now!

Continuing on with my updates...

The temperatures have been fluxuating between 40 and 80. Day by day. It's a little annoying since one day I have to wear my winter coat and the next I grab my flip flops and fly out the door excited that I don't have to worry about staying warm. Since I don't enjoy the ever changing weather, I'm sure the bunnies don't either. One day the warm sun is shining in on their fur as they bask in its glory...next thing they know I'm shoving hay into their cages so they won't freeze over night. Ridiculous I tell ya.

BUT! The bi-polar conditions are also a sign that Spring is soon approaching which I hope to the almighty bunny god will mean my does will start giving me babies. I'm so sick of breeding an eager doe and then ending up with nothing. Let's take Fly Girl, my silver marten Netherland doe, for instance. This doe couldn't have wanted to be bred more. What does she do? Goes 3 days over and has 2 peanuts and 1 hippo...DOA. Grr!! Then Lenora, my black Netherland doe, could have sworn she was pregnant. Then, 2 days after her due date I palpate her to find no babies. It doesn't help that I've been playing this game since October. I just want babies! The only doe that's given me babies is a grumpy little Himi doe who has one fat baby in the nest. Yay? Yeah...yay.

At this point, the only doe I know is exploding with babies is a first-timer..Brooklyn. I think I might've blogged about being really excited that I was about to have my first litter by a Locket doe but turns out she didn't take. So now, a month later and one day until due, she's miserably full with babies. She started out grunting like crazy and franticly running around her cage like a mad woman but now she's actually letting me pet her. So I'm hoping that's a sign she's about to have them. She has, however, made no effort to prepare for her new babies.

*Sigh* Rabbits...can't live with them, can't live without them.

That's all for now.

Much needed update!

I've done something bad. Nothing along the lines of a felony or even something needing minor punishment. It's just that I haven't blogged in a long time. For over a month actually which sort of ruins my whole 2011 goal. I've actually been thinking about it for a while and there are so many things I need to tell you. Even though it looks like I have a grand total of 11 followers. Hopefully, fellow breeders come across this every once in a while. That would make me happy.

I realize that I had started a genetics series and I do plan on finishing it. I think the reason I stopped for a little bit was because I dread the C gene and I really didn't want to get into it. So, never fear, I will continue that series once I get everyone up to speed as to what's going on.

It seems like we wait so long

for the annual PaSRBA Convention show in February. We all anxiously await the final few days before we can finally pack up the bunnies and just go. It's a much needed break for many people, or at least my mom and I since we only make one show a month. Plus, who wouldn't enjoy thousands of rabbits all under one roof and the hundreds of people who own them. It's a great experience for the novice or even the most experienced breeder. Often, it's where those high and mighty breeders win

their breed with their most prized possession. It's the sort of show where you only hope to do well against some of the toughest competition on the East Coast. Never in a million years (okay, never in several years) would I believe that I would be one of the breeders to claim the Best of Breed title at this prestigious show.

That's right! I am very proud to announce that my very own Locket's Xora took Best of Breed in the Youth Saturday show! For those of you who don't really know all my rabbits by name I guess I'll have to introduce you. Xora, at the time, was only 3 months old. She is an orange jr. doe out of Roseart's Grizz and Naragon's Xena. When Xora was born, I was in the midst of a permanent sell down. I decided that the best decision at that time was to sell the entire litter as well as the dam. So Xora was sold at 8 weeks old. She wasn't going to be picked up or a few more months so she sat patiently in the barn, growing up and turning into a beautiful little doe. I'd pull her out once or twice a week and slowly I began to realize the mistake I had made in selling her. I kept thinking about whether or not I wanted to cancel the sale. It'd mean making the new owner very unhappy and me loosing a large sum of money that I'd planned to put towards my Netherland Dwarf Nationals fund. But after showing her to a friend I was told to keep her. So I reluctantly sucked up the courage to cancel the sale.

I felt completely relieved after I did. I felt like I had made a really good choice because for being an orange, she was a phenomenal doe and would benefit my herd significantly. Plus, PaSRBA Convention was that weekend so I'd really be able to test the waters and see how well she'd do against the notorious tort class. Right before the show I decided that she was too little to show, barely being over jr. weight

. So I decided to just take her to show my friends. On the way to the show, however, another friend told me that spending $5 wasn't going to hurt me and that I should just enter her anyways to get comments. Well, I need to personally thank this person because hadn't it been for them...I never would have had the opportunity to win my first Best of Breed at such a huge show. The morning of the show I started taking her around to my friends, like planned, to get comments. One who said "I'd like to see the doe that beats her for 1st place." I really didn't want to hear that to be honest because I didn't believe, personally, that she was nice enough to beat out an entire SJD class. And again, I was told that she would take her class. Then again, that people were talking about how this girl was going to win. Was she really that nice?

Well slowly but surely the judge moved through each jr. doe. Using her colorful eraser method to mark which rabbit would leave next. Of course, the code was not something an exhibitor could decipher so I anxiously awaited to see when she would be placed. There was somewhere around 25 does so it was going to take awhile. She made it past the "No Placement" part and into the "Honor Group" which meant the judge wanted to see her later. I remember what the judge said when she grabbed her out of the coop for the first time. "Whoa!". My friend kept giving me excited looks from behind the writer's table as she moved towards the top of the class. Back and forth, back and forth between two does. Mine and a tort doe. I wouldn't be all that surprised if the tort doe took the class. But when she finally made her decision and picked up the tort doe to be called for 2nd, my heart jumped. I heard h

er mumble something about the doe being "a beast" as she carried my doe over to the writer to be called for 1st. My stomach did something crazy and all of a sudden I realized I had achieved the biggest accomplishment for my rabbitry thus far. Taking 1st place with an orange jr. doe. A colored doe. It would be a while before she'd go up for variety so after being congratulated I put her back in her cage and happily skipped along my way to go tell my friends. You can only imagine the high I was on. And Facebook already knew! Maybe 2 hours later I ran into the youth room to find out if variety judging had started. Sure enough, they had been waiting on me to put her up. Oops!

So the judge carefully looked over all the solids and all the brokens. All the class winners waited at the table with the rest of the exhibitors waiting behind them. I stood by with my camera just sitting quietly. The judge said "Surprisingly, I really do not know who is going to win this time. I really don't." Well that's good right? At least she hadn't already picked something out in her head. I was happy to hear that I might have a chance. When the judge announced that her best solid was the Jr. Doe I almost flipped. I mean, my jaw dropped. My doe beat the Sr. class? It took maybe 2 seconds for it to click before I was absolutely speechless. My friend looked at me and said "Told you!" and I just sat there in disbelief. As the clapping faded for the solid variety winners so then announced the broken winners. And as soon as the clapping subsided for a second time the judge began to tear up as she thanked everyone for allowing her to judge her favorite breed. I'd never seen a judge get emotional about judging before. It made the moment even more heart warming when she announced the solid doe as the breed winner. I thought to myself "Well, good try!" as the first thing that popped into my head was a tort solid sr. doe. When my friend realized that I hadn't realized what the judge said she called out my name and said "That's your doe, Laura!" I immediately jumped to my feet and said "Wait...MY doe?!" I had no idea what to think as my jaw dropped for a second time and I thew my hand over it in astonishment. I don't even think I heard the clapping as I floated through the crowd to where my doe sat on the table. The judge looked at me and said "Congratulations! She's a beast!"

The next 10 minutes were filled with pictures and a constant return of thank you's for all the congratulations I kept getting. The area cleared and I congratulated the Best Opposite of Breed winner who was also a colored jr., an opal! I'm sure she was just as thrilled as I was.

The whole day I just replayed that moment over and over. Still not believing that my little doe won the whole darn thing. I mean...a colored. junior. doe. Out of over 150 animals! It doesn't get any better than that. Nothing could ruin my day. For only wanting to show her for comments, I sure ended up with more than I could ever ask for. And just to think that I had this girl sold.

So without further ado, I present to you Locket's Xora.

If she is never remembered by anyone else, she will go down in history in my book for being my first Best of Breed with a homegrown rabbit and for being a huge milestone in my colored project. I never imagined having this nice of a colored rabbit within my first few generations. I will by no means let this lead me to believe that I have achieved the best of the best. But I believe that everyone deserves to share such a wonderful experience especially if it's the first.

She now lives in the biggest hole in the barn and is just as spoiled as ever. Her next show in NCRBA Convention where she'll be shown as a now 4 month old jr. I'm hoping she'll continue to do well. I would love to grand her!

I want to thank everyone that supported me that day in helping me believe in myself. I remember telling someone after they complimented me that I wasn't ready to hear that my doe would win. And honestly, I'm still not comfortable with it. I've always looked up to all the big breeders out there and envied them when they took home the BOB rabbit. I never imagined it would be me.

Well this blog turned into more than I had expected so I guess I'll save the rest of the updates for another day. That's all for now!